Healthy Boundaries For More Healthy Relationships
Your choice is to be active or passive in your responses.
– Deborah Day
When we do not to set boundaries in our relationships we do this because we fear.
Fear is always at the root of unhealthy unbalanced relationships.
Learning to set healthy loving boundaries are the foundation for a healthy loving relationship.
You can overcome the fears behind this “ habit” and here is how.
What are the main fears that stop us from setting our boundaries?
- Fear to be rejected
- Fear of feeling alone not appreciated or loved
- Fear to be misunderstood and therefore enter in an endless conflict
- Avoiding the feelings anger and frustration
- Fear to be abandoned or the feeling of separation
Behind all these fears the main fear remains the fear of losing.
The whole dysfunctional fear-based pattern of avoiding being clear when expressing our boundaries has a price and sometimes the price can be very high. Our bodies pay the price with anxiety, stress, and lack of self-care.
Since we know how important healthy boundaries are why do we avoid expressing our true needs? Why do we “ swallow” instead of acting with integrity to our needs respecting the other person’s feelings and position?
It all boils down to our beliefs system, our fears, the way we have been conditioned to act or” react” in an intimate relationship.
We feel trapped either by guilt when expressing our needs either by fear of being rejected or abandoned.
What are the symptoms of unhealthy boundaries?
A lack of work-life balance that is manifested in how healthy and fulfilled you feel:
- Being over responsible about your partner’s issues
- Feeling happy when the other person is happy and sad when the other person is sad ( as if you had no filter)
- Expecting the other person to find solutions to your problems (ignoring your inner power)
- Feeling guilty when saying NO and feeling more comfortable in saying YES even to things you do not agree with
So, what can you do to overcome this fear/ guilt situation while protecting yourself and be respectful to the other?
Having clarity about your boundaries, your needs, and your values and write down why it is important for you to have boundaries in specific situations writing them down helps you to be grounded and firm
- Express your boundaries entering in rapport with your partner, be firm respectful in saying what you need to say in a few words ( do not apologize, work on transforming guilt feelings into respectful assertive communication)
- Get inspired by people you know that are loving, polite respectful and who communicate clearly what they want with no fear or resentment model them
- Give yourself time and practice the more you do it the easier for you to learn to set your boundaries in a healthy loving way
- Be ready to pay the price of your integrity, if the person reacts to your communication it is not about you, it is about them. Remember the importance of your self-care, self-love and healthy relationships based on respect and freedom.
- Choose love: Speaking from a loving intention for yourself first and foremost is the biggest expression of love you can offer to you and your partner. You can only give prosperity after you have given it to yourself. Repeat to yourself when meditating “I choose to express myself from the place of love, I now choose to let go of the illusion of fear.”
Learning to identify our boundaries is the foundation for a healthy, loving, fulfilling, exciting relationship.
If you want to let go of your hidden fears and guilt that have stopped you from learning to put healthy boundaries I invite you to download my free ebook.