3 Ways To Deal With Emotional Dependency And Feel Like Yourself Again
The surprising thing that emotional dependency has to do with your awareness
Being in a relationship can be a vulnerable and scary proposition.
You are putting your trust in someone else, and that other person can be a complete stranger, an acquaintance you met for the first time or just some random person.
When you enter a relationship without doing the “awareness work” first, you’re opening yourself up to their judgment, criticism, and expectations.
But what if you could take the anxiety out of dating? What would happen if you could foresee potential problems before they developed? What if you could avoid those pitfalls before they could ruin a potential relationship?
You’d probably think twice before jumping into a new relationship, right? Think of the relationships you’ve sworn off and the ones that have worked — and now think of why they worked.
How to break the cycle of emotional codependency
There are a few ways in which people can be codependent. You can be codependent on a drug or alcohol addiction, on a mental health issue, or you can be codependent in a relationship. The most common form of codependency, however, is emotional codependency.
Emotional codependency is the result of a woman who under-estimates her emotional needs and/or can’t regulate her emotions. In an effort to try and meet these needs, this woman is always in need of the other, just like a drug and in this case tries to control and/or manipulate their partner. This is what I call the slave in action;)
Unfortunately, this type of codependency rarely ends well.
Women who are emotionally dependent on others require those around them to fulfil their emotional needs and when those needs aren’t met, they lash out in anger. These women don’t give the other person any room for independent decision-making, which is a turn off for the partner being controlled. This can result in an irresolvable toxic relationship that cannot be healed by anyone else but these two individuals.
What if you could prevent an irresolvable toxic relationship from happening in the first place?
Women (even the smartest ones fall in this trap!) in emotionally dependent relationships often have codependent traits. You may be codependent if you:
- -Want your partner and others to approve of you to feel good about yourself? You may be acting unconsciously.
- – Have low self-esteem and don’t know how to boost it on your own or how to love yourself unconditionally
- – Are afraid of being alone
- -You might feel like you need someone to depend on. (The belief is that the other person is your only source of happiness.)
- – Feel like you’ll lose yourself if “abandoned”
- – Obsess about the relationship
- – Make excuses not to end the relationship
- – Try to control your partner or the relationship so that your needs can be met
This can be hard but it is one of the most important things you have to do.
Loving yourself means that you put your feelings and needs first without feeling selfish, and without fear of “losing” the other.
What if you could be emotionally independent?
Being emotionally independent means that you have healthy self-love and respect for yourself.
You’re able to set healthy boundaries and say no without feeling guilty or worried about what your partner might think. You have confidence in your own sense of self and don’t need to prove it to anyone else.The idea of not being loved starts as a child when we’re not loved by the people who mean the most to us. It then sticks with us for life.
Being emotionally independent doesn’t mean that you don’t care about others.
It just means that you care about yourself first and foremost — and that you care enough to let go of a toxic relationship before it can get in the way of your own mental health, balance and happiness.
The truth about an irresistible attraction
The truth is that relationships take work. You have to put in the effort and the time, just like any other skill.
If you’re able to recognize that emotional codependency is a pattern that has roots in your fears and beliefs.
Last, you can take the necessary steps to break the cycle and relationships will be easier. If your relationship is toxic, and you are ready to get out of it there are many things you can do.
Irresistible physical attraction plays a key role in increasing codependency patterns.
Romantic love is actually a complicated set of emotions that includes attachment, fear of abandonment, dependency and arousal.
Many people confuse lust with love.
It’s not the same thing but it is often confused by many women.
For example, you can be physically attracted to someone but not love them. And the opposite is also true. Finding the balance between interdependence, ( the opposite of codependency) authentic love and physical attraction is the result of awareness and taking deliberate action while learning from your mistakes.
If you want to be a part of a mutually fulfilling, secure and healthy relationship you have to get real about what it takes. In order to create the right kind of love in your life, you will have to change from the inside out.
In addition to the overstimulated culture we live in where physical attraction is bombarded at us constantly, your past experiences also have a lot to do with the codependency patterns that repeat themselves in your relationships.
Find a healthy balance of interdependence and vulnerability
Healthy relationships require both independence and vulnerability. You need to be able to stand on your own two feet, to make your own decisions, and to have your own friends.
At the same time, you can’t let those around you become a source of anxiety. You have to be able to relax and allow others to be themselves without trying to control or manipulate them.
It’s a fine line to walk, one that gets easier with time and experience.
You’ll grow comfortable with your own sense of independence and trust that it will allow you to form healthy relationships.
The more you get into the “game” of relationships, the easier it becomes to find this balance for you.
Here are three of the biggest limiting beliefs or stories that limit you.
- I can fix my partner, if I just care about them enough.They will love me more if I succeed in doing so and will never leave me. I need to be “perfect” to make sure I will never lose them.
- It is not okay to express negative feelings in my relationships. It might anger them, and I would have to work even harder to regain their love.
- All my life and happiness depends on the other.
Women I work with find themselves in a double bind.
On one hand, they want unconditional love but on the other hand, they have an automatic response of controlling the person to whom they’re giving their love so as to feel safe and cared for.(love becomes conditional)
Is it possible to have both an irresistible attraction and emotional independence?
Yes, it is. It means that you’re able to maintain physical and emotional intimacy while still maintaining your independence. You’re able to be in a relationship without being emotionally dependent on that person.
This is by far the healthiest way to approach a romantic relationship. You’re able to put your own needs first — and have someone else meet those needs when and if your partner is unable to — without resenting or being emotionally needy.
Ultimately, the choice is yours.
You can choose to be emotionally dependent, or you can choose to be emotionally independent. You can choose to stay in a toxic relationship, or you can choose to walk away.
You can choose to be codependent and stay in a relationship that isn’t good for you. Or, you can choose to be emotionally independent and reap the benefits of a healthy, lasting relationship.
If you are ready to find out more about how love addiction and codependency affect you personally and what you can do about it, take this free masterclass on how savvy and sensitive women heal their hearts from draining relationships: healfrompast.com.